Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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