Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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