i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
