I wish I only lived at night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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