Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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