Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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