i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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