I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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