bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
