is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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