i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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