God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
