You smell like stripper and shame
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
