really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
