i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
