I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
