Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
