I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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