Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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