the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Randomize
