Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
