She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
