I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
