WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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