1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
