i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
