Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
