found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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