the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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