3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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