$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
