Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
