if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
