I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let's paint friendship bongs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
