apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
