Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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