is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
