my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
