After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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