She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize