Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
