im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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