What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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