You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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