That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
