we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
