i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
