dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
