Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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