..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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