I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
