Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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