I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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