Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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