yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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