peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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