It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
