Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
