it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize