My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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