Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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