when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
