Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
