It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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