i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
