So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
