The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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