I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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