Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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