just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
