when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
