I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
