I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
