I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
