he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
