Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i love accidental penises.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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