I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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