This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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