Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
