even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
