i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
