She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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