the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
