See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
