what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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